Importance of teaching self-defense to girls
By Thessaly
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When I was about 13 years old, I found myself in a situation with a boy. Specifically, I found myself on my best friend’s waterbed, with her boyfriend sitting on my chest while she took a shower in the next room.
“You know you want this,” he told me. I didn’t. We both knew it. I was pushing him back as best as I could.
About then, she walked in the door, yelled at me for “seducing” her boyfriend, and kicked me out of the house. I walked home slowly, dazed. In a biological sense, nothing had happened. In a psychological sense, my world had changed. I felt dirty. I blamed myself. And, as she spread the word about what I’d done, I lost friends. At 13, that’s a big deal.
I also had a lot of questions. Now, this happened quite a few years ago, and I attended a very religious private school where sex ed could be summed up in one word: Don’t. As in: You Don’t need to know about sex or boys or hormones because you Don’t need to be having sex. I’d broken one of their cardinal rules by putting myself in a situation where something was bound to happen.
For a long, long time, I blamed myself.
Then I came to a realization: I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t ask to be put in that place and I didn’t bring it on myself. It took me years to come to that. Knowing that I lost friends over it still stings, but I realize real friends would’ve stuck by me and at least heard my side of the story.
If I had that night to live over, I wouldn’t have stayed at her house. I wouldn’t have agreed to let her boyfriend sneak in to go swimming, and I would have had my guard up when I sat on the edge of her bed waiting for my turn to shower.
But mostly, I wish I’d had the necessary education and mindset to get myself out of the situation. One kick or one punch and he would’ve been off of me. And instead of feeling guilty, I would’ve felt empowered. Instead of feeling like I’d done something wrong, I would’ve realized I can only control my own actions and reactions.
Some adults take the easy road with young teens and tweens when it comes to sex education by telling them to stay out of “bad” situations. And that’s all well and good. Abstinence education is fine. But it’s not the only answer.
The hard truth, the truth that parents and educators don’t want to swallow, is that things do happen. Sometimes it’s consensual, sometimes it’s not. And when it’s not, our children need tools to help them cope – during and afterwards.
What’s needed? First of all, children need situational education – and at a young age. If they’re going to have sex – and some of them are, earlier than you think – help them learn how to have safer sex. Abstinence-based sex ed only goes part of the way because it doesn’t teach young teens what to do if they do find themselves in unfamiliar territory.
Second, teens and tweens need self-defense education. Knowing how to take care of oneself in an emergency – and knowing it’s OK to be assertive when threatened – goes a long way toward self-confidence.
Finally, kids need open lines of communication with their parents, teachers and other adults in leadership roles. They need to know they can talk about anything – absolutely anything – without fear of being judged. I remember the way I felt after I left my friend’s house that night, and the only way I can describe it is as “alone.” I didn’t want to talk to any adults for fear they’d think I was a bad person.
It’s important to remember that children are just that. They’re not little adults, and they don’t think about things the same way we do. What now seems like a relatively small occurrence seemed insurmountable as a 13-year-old girl who didn’t know much about sex or how to take control of a situation.
A little education and understanding would’ve gone a long way.
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Disclaimer: To gain proficiency at women's self defense you should also seek training at a live class. The owners of this website are not responsible for injuries inflicted or received as a result of practicing or attempting these techniques. The owners of this website do not claim to guarantee your safety. The views and opinions here do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the website owners. Physical techniques are dangerous and painful, they should only be used in self defense.